The next two poems were written about the boy that mislead me and totally broke my heart and cost me my best friend (same situation as in the previous two posts). These focus more on the intimate details... I really had trouble dealing with the fact that he and I fooled around AFTER he had "hooked up" with my other friend. For what ever reason I felt guilty, when I should have just been pissed at him, lol! I did end up being friends w/ the "girl" again, but we were never as close as before. I am friends with the "boy" on fb, I am civil, but still would like an apology, haha, I know he gave the other girl one...doubt it will ever happen, oh well.
"Loss of Innocence"
You were my sweet summer crush.
Together we did so much.
Our few moments of pleasure were fun.
But now I'm left with wounded friendships,
and eternal pain with bitter sweet memories.
We may not have went "all the way"'
but we went too far.
I wish we could go back in time,
and erase the mistakes that were made.
My mind is forever tainted
with memories of our afternoons together.
The smallest things can trigger a flashback.
The flashbacks are vivid and haunting.
Each including sight, smell, sound, and feel.
Our innocence is lost and the pain enduring.
The only thing to do now is pray for forgiveness.
We must also forgive each other,
put the past behind us,
and pray for strength not to repeat our mistakes.
-RAM
"Confused"
Last summer's events have left me confused.
The things we did left me feeling used.
To one girl, you said you were "true",
Yet everything started with a call from you.
I'll never forget the sound of your voice on the other line,
or the feeling of your arms around me for long periods of time.
We were just friends, you swore,
But your actions made my heart sense more.
You always knew the right thing to say,
and my heart melted every time you looked at me a certain way.
Just the scent of you sent me to ecstasy.
And I went even further when you put your hands on me.
With my hands on you I felt like I could fly.
Body to body all my troubles went away.
It all came to an abrupt end,
When you fell"in love" with my best friend.
You ruined a good friendship,
for your temporary relationship.
You're back with the one who you are "true",
And I'm back with my best friend no thanks to you.
I don't see how you could lead me on like you did,
and then leave me feeling like a scared little kid.
I'm left forever confused and abused.
-RAM
Monday, February 6, 2012
Throwback poems part 4
This is a grouping of poems I write about the same two in the previous post.
"True Friend"
I'm putting my trust in You, God.
You will never forsake me,
and people will always fail me.
They think I'm too high maintenance
and are losing patience.
Thank you for being patient, God.
They said I acted like the world revolved around me,
but I don't see how that can be.
I hardly get any attention at all.
I feel like an old picture on a wall.
I thought I had a stronger friendship than this,
but now it's just a wish.
With stars in my friend's eyes,
we are quickly losing ties.
God, you are the one true friend,
that I know will be there to the very end.
-RAM
"Wrong Again"
I love you, I love you.
You had nothing to say.
You hurt me, you hurt me.
You threw me away.
I miss you, I miss you.
What happened that day?
It's over, it's over,
It's all over now.
-RAM
"Goodbye"
Time has pulled us far apart.
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
There is a deep aching in my heart.
You two no longer care for me.
You fell in love with each other,
and left me hanging out to dry.
To think of me, you didn't bother.
And now I'm left wondering why.
Both of you abused me.
I was stomped on and beat.
You can no longer use me,
because I'm still on my feet.
When you two failed,
my true friends prevailed.
-RAM
"True Friend"
I'm putting my trust in You, God.
You will never forsake me,
and people will always fail me.
They think I'm too high maintenance
and are losing patience.
Thank you for being patient, God.
They said I acted like the world revolved around me,
but I don't see how that can be.
I hardly get any attention at all.
I feel like an old picture on a wall.
I thought I had a stronger friendship than this,
but now it's just a wish.
With stars in my friend's eyes,
we are quickly losing ties.
God, you are the one true friend,
that I know will be there to the very end.
-RAM
"Wrong Again"
I love you, I love you.
You had nothing to say.
You hurt me, you hurt me.
You threw me away.
I miss you, I miss you.
What happened that day?
It's over, it's over,
It's all over now.
-RAM
"Goodbye"
Time has pulled us far apart.
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
There is a deep aching in my heart.
You two no longer care for me.
You fell in love with each other,
and left me hanging out to dry.
To think of me, you didn't bother.
And now I'm left wondering why.
Both of you abused me.
I was stomped on and beat.
You can no longer use me,
because I'm still on my feet.
When you two failed,
my true friends prevailed.
-RAM
"My Prayer"
I wrote this poem a little more than 10 years ago. I had been terribly betrayed by the two people who I thought were my best friends. To make a long story short they started dating behind my back, and then used me to get together for a long time and when they no longer need me as an excuse to get together I was kicked to the curb. I of course had some feelings for the boy and was very mislead by him as well. It was not a pretty time in my life. The next few poems I will post are also from this period in my life. I'm amazed though at how true these words still are with totally different trials...
I'm sorry God.
I've done you wrong.
I've forgotten you gave Your only Son.
He bared the weight of all my sins,
so that I may be with You.
I've forgotten that You are forgiving
and like You I must too forgive.
But, I've kept bitterness locked inside me
making my heart cold and hard.
Jealousy has also run through my veins,
causing my focus to drift away from You.
Once I lost sight of You depression set in.
Things looked down and my hope was lost.
I'm putting focus back on You, God.
I'll stay on my knees this time,
so my next fall into Your hands won't be as hard.
With You, loneliness fades and hope comes to life.
You are my strength and comfort.
Thank you God for everything.
Your forgiveness is great
and mercy sufficient.
Your love is powerful.
My small heart's love is not sufficient.
But, I love You with my whole being.
Thank you God for everything.
-RAM
I'm sorry God.
I've done you wrong.
I've forgotten you gave Your only Son.
He bared the weight of all my sins,
so that I may be with You.
I've forgotten that You are forgiving
and like You I must too forgive.
But, I've kept bitterness locked inside me
making my heart cold and hard.
Jealousy has also run through my veins,
causing my focus to drift away from You.
Once I lost sight of You depression set in.
Things looked down and my hope was lost.
I'm putting focus back on You, God.
I'll stay on my knees this time,
so my next fall into Your hands won't be as hard.
With You, loneliness fades and hope comes to life.
You are my strength and comfort.
Thank you God for everything.
Your forgiveness is great
and mercy sufficient.
Your love is powerful.
My small heart's love is not sufficient.
But, I love You with my whole being.
Thank you God for everything.
-RAM
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Throwback Poems Part 3
I wrote this poem after a senior boy was killed in a drunk driving accident my freshman year.
"Wake-Up Call"
Today you all cry,
and wonder why.
Everyone's life was changed last night.
It must have been an awful sight.
You say, "He was a great guy,"
and, "Why did he have to die?"
But now you go on to have your bash?
You start to drink,
and don't even think.
You hop into the car, but why?
How many more will have to die?
With another dead,
more pain will spread.
Will you ever learn?
Oh, how it makes my stomach turn.
Drinking and driving is not a game.
How could you be so lame?
I just hope you awaken,
before your life in taken.
"Wake-Up Call"
Today you all cry,
and wonder why.
Everyone's life was changed last night.
It must have been an awful sight.
You say, "He was a great guy,"
and, "Why did he have to die?"
But now you go on to have your bash?
You start to drink,
and don't even think.
You hop into the car, but why?
How many more will have to die?
With another dead,
more pain will spread.
Will you ever learn?
Oh, how it makes my stomach turn.
Drinking and driving is not a game.
How could you be so lame?
I just hope you awaken,
before your life in taken.
Throwback Poems Part 2
I wrote these poems about 12 years ago about a boy I had a crush on...
"My Heart's Plea"
You said your actions were for me
So you wouldn't break my heart when you leave
But I know it was a lie,
and that you're just afraid of love,
scared of a broken heart.
Well, your cowardliness is breaking mine.
When you said we would be friends
you were just being kind,
for we haven't spoke in weeks,
and you say I annoy you.
I know that's not true!
I know you like me.
You can't hide love,
You're just afraid to show it
And you run away.
You're building a wall around your heart
You can't run forever.
Your own logical brain will be your demise,
unless you learn to follow your heart.
Logic tells you high school flings are useless.
but my heart screams, "It is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all!"
"Relapse"
My heart aches "I love you"
but my mind screams "No"
I thought I was over you,
but I guess that's not so.
Your silence showed me it was not meant to be,
but then you showed up joking and laughing with me.
You put on your charm and drew me back in.
Why are you doing this to me?
I want to move on,
but I can't.
There is a never-ending force that keeps pulling me back
Until this feeling will pass,
I can not be at rest.
In a never-ending battle I give continuously,
but get nothing in return.
I opened my heart,
and you gave a shrug and turned away
but it seems like my love is here to stay
like everything else I'm sure it will pass
I'm getting impatient,
and time moves so slowly.
"Get Out"
You're always on my mind,
it isn't hard to find.
I close my eyes and see your face,
an image I can not erase.
I just can't seem to kill,
this hole in my heart I need to fill.
I open my eyes and you're still here.
I can see you everywhere.
I can't get you out of my head.
Sometimes I wish I was dead,
that would be the only way to get you off my mind.
A thought of you isn't hard to find.
"My Heart's Plea"
You said your actions were for me
So you wouldn't break my heart when you leave
But I know it was a lie,
and that you're just afraid of love,
scared of a broken heart.
Well, your cowardliness is breaking mine.
When you said we would be friends
you were just being kind,
for we haven't spoke in weeks,
and you say I annoy you.
I know that's not true!
I know you like me.
You can't hide love,
You're just afraid to show it
And you run away.
You're building a wall around your heart
You can't run forever.
Your own logical brain will be your demise,
unless you learn to follow your heart.
Logic tells you high school flings are useless.
but my heart screams, "It is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all!"
"Relapse"
My heart aches "I love you"
but my mind screams "No"
I thought I was over you,
but I guess that's not so.
Your silence showed me it was not meant to be,
but then you showed up joking and laughing with me.
You put on your charm and drew me back in.
Why are you doing this to me?
I want to move on,
but I can't.
There is a never-ending force that keeps pulling me back
Until this feeling will pass,
I can not be at rest.
In a never-ending battle I give continuously,
but get nothing in return.
I opened my heart,
and you gave a shrug and turned away
but it seems like my love is here to stay
like everything else I'm sure it will pass
I'm getting impatient,
and time moves so slowly.
"Get Out"
You're always on my mind,
it isn't hard to find.
I close my eyes and see your face,
an image I can not erase.
I just can't seem to kill,
this hole in my heart I need to fill.
I open my eyes and you're still here.
I can see you everywhere.
I can't get you out of my head.
Sometimes I wish I was dead,
that would be the only way to get you off my mind.
A thought of you isn't hard to find.
Throwback Poems Part 1
These were written about 13 years ago about a guy I had a crush on in high school.
"Dream Come True"
Will my dream come true?
To be lying next to you
in your loving arms to adore
and little junior sleeping next door
with wedding bands around our fingers
to remind us of a love that lingers.
A love that grows stronger
is for what I hunger
I want a love as such.
Yes, I love you that much.
"It's True"
I love you
Yes it's true
When the day starts anew
I'll be thinking of you
You've seen the pictures that I drew
You're reflected in everything I do
Yes it's true
I do love you.
But you don't love me?
Can it be?
I don't like the things you say
It wasn't suppose to be this way
I spilled my heart
and your words hit like a dart
breaking my heart in two...
You just want to be a friend,
now my heart needs to mend
Yet, still it's true
I love you!
I can't compete with the one you like
so I guess I'll just take a hike
I must admit defeat
But my heart will go on to beat
Because it's true
Yes, I still love you!
"The End"
I am here
You are there
All I can do is stare
My heart is bare.
It wasn't suppose to be this way,
but here it will have to stay.
I sit like a deer grazing the grass,
but a poor, pathetic, ugly lass.
I'm closing the door
as I thought it was before,
to let no love in,
because I will never win.
"Dream Come True"
Will my dream come true?
To be lying next to you
in your loving arms to adore
and little junior sleeping next door
with wedding bands around our fingers
to remind us of a love that lingers.
A love that grows stronger
is for what I hunger
I want a love as such.
Yes, I love you that much.
"It's True"
I love you
Yes it's true
When the day starts anew
I'll be thinking of you
You've seen the pictures that I drew
You're reflected in everything I do
Yes it's true
I do love you.
But you don't love me?
Can it be?
I don't like the things you say
It wasn't suppose to be this way
I spilled my heart
and your words hit like a dart
breaking my heart in two...
You just want to be a friend,
now my heart needs to mend
Yet, still it's true
I love you!
I can't compete with the one you like
so I guess I'll just take a hike
I must admit defeat
But my heart will go on to beat
Because it's true
Yes, I still love you!
"The End"
I am here
You are there
All I can do is stare
My heart is bare.
It wasn't suppose to be this way,
but here it will have to stay.
I sit like a deer grazing the grass,
but a poor, pathetic, ugly lass.
I'm closing the door
as I thought it was before,
to let no love in,
because I will never win.
Our Song
I wrote this poem for my hubby soon after we met:
"Our Song"
Life is a song we sing.
It has it's high notes
and it has it's low notes.
As we wonder through life
we pick up notes
an attempt to construct a melody.
Until now I was missing a note
You are that note
You complete my melody
Together our hearts
construct a symphony.
You are my soul mate
straight from Heaven.
I love you!
-RAM Oct, 28, 2002
I plan on posting more poems from my poetry book :)
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