Throwback poems part 5

The next two poems were written about the boy that mislead me and totally broke my heart and cost me my best friend (same situation as in the previous two posts). These focus more on the intimate details...  I really had trouble dealing with the fact that he and I fooled around AFTER he had "hooked up" with my other friend. For what ever reason I felt guilty, when I should have just been pissed at him, lol!  I did end up being friends w/ the "girl" again, but we were never as close as before.  I am friends with the "boy" on fb, I am civil, but still would like an apology, haha, I know he gave the other girl one...doubt it will ever happen, oh well.

"Loss of Innocence"

You were my sweet summer crush.
Together we did so much.
Our few moments of pleasure were fun.
But now I'm left with wounded friendships,
and eternal pain with bitter sweet memories.
We may not have went "all the way"'
but we went too far.
I wish we could go back in time,
and erase the mistakes that were made.
My mind is forever tainted
with memories of our afternoons together.
The smallest things can trigger a flashback.
The flashbacks are vivid and haunting.
Each including sight, smell, sound, and feel.
Our innocence is lost and the pain enduring.
The only thing to do now is pray for forgiveness.
We must also forgive each other,
put the past behind us,
and pray for strength not to repeat our mistakes.
-RAM

"Confused"

Last summer's events have left me confused.
The things we did left me feeling used.
To one girl, you said you were "true",
Yet everything started with a call from you.
I'll never forget the sound of your voice on the other line,
or the feeling of your arms around me for long periods of time.
We were just friends, you swore,
 But your actions made my heart sense more.
You always knew the right thing to say,
and my heart melted every time you looked at me a certain way.
Just the scent of you sent me to ecstasy.
And I went even further when you put your hands on me.
With my hands on you I felt like I could fly.
Body to body all my troubles went away.
It all came to an abrupt end,
When you fell"in love" with my best friend.
You ruined a good friendship,
for your temporary relationship.
You're back with the one who you are "true",
And I'm back with my best friend no thanks to you.
I don't see how you could lead me on like you did,
and then leave me feeling like a scared little kid.
I'm left forever confused and abused.
-RAM

Throwback poems part 4

This is a grouping of poems I write about the same two in the previous post.

"True Friend"
I'm putting my trust in You, God.
You will never forsake me,
and people will always fail me.
They think I'm too high maintenance
and are losing patience.
Thank you for being patient, God.
They said I acted like the world revolved around me,
but I don't see how that can be.
I hardly get any attention at all.
I feel like an old picture on a wall.
I thought I had a stronger friendship than this,
but now it's just a wish.
With stars in my friend's eyes,
 we are quickly losing ties.
God, you are the one true friend,
that I know will be there to the very end.
-RAM

"Wrong Again"
I love you, I love you.
You had nothing to say.
You hurt me, you hurt me.
You threw me away.
I miss you, I miss you.
What happened that day?
It's over, it's over,
It's all over now.
-RAM

"Goodbye"
Time has pulled us far apart.
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
There is a deep aching in my heart.
You two no longer care for me.
You fell in love with each other,
and left me hanging out to dry.
To think of me, you didn't bother.
And now I'm left wondering why.
Both of you abused me.
I was stomped on and beat.
You can no longer use me,
because I'm still on my feet.
When you two failed,
my true friends prevailed.
-RAM

"My Prayer"

I wrote this poem a little more than 10 years ago.  I had been terribly betrayed by the two people who I thought were my best friends. To make a long story short they started dating behind my back, and then used me to get together for a long time and when they no longer need me as an excuse to get together I was kicked to the curb.  I of course had some feelings for the boy and was very mislead by him as well.  It was not a pretty time in my life.  The next few poems I will post are also from this period in my life.  I'm amazed though at how true these words still are with totally different trials...



I'm sorry God.
I've done you wrong.
I've forgotten you gave Your only Son.
He bared the weight of all my sins,
so that I may be with You.
I've forgotten that You are forgiving
and like You I must too forgive.
But, I've kept bitterness locked inside me
making my heart cold and hard.
Jealousy has also run through my veins,
causing my focus to drift away from You.
Once I lost sight of You depression set in.
Things looked down and my hope was lost.
I'm putting focus back on You, God.
I'll stay on my knees this time,
so my next fall into Your hands won't be as hard.
With You, loneliness fades and hope comes to life.
You are my strength and comfort.
Thank you God for everything.
Your forgiveness is great
and mercy sufficient.
Your love is powerful.
My small heart's love is not sufficient.
But, I love You with my whole being.
Thank you God for everything.
-RAM